Wow. I haven't been on blogger in ages. Not sure if anyone even rly uses this anymore I remember when this thing was a huge part of my life and I had lots of friends on here and stuff.. So i think the reason I'm writeing this is becuz I need to get all this shit off my chest.
This is sorta too someone, wen they read it, if they ever read it, they'll prolly kno it's for them. Hopefully. Cuz if they don't then this is pretty pointless, huh?
Okay here it goes.
We don't talk anymore. Even tho we promised we would always be best friends. Guess that was a bunch of crap, huh? Sometimes I wonder if u meant that when u said it, or if u were just trying to please me. To make me feel a little better... I try not to think about u, cuz even tho i'm over u, it still hurts. After we broke up, i never had my proper release. I never completly cried u out of my system. It's weird cuz i knew how real it all was but now i find myself questioning if ur real, or if i just dreamt u up. I remember when we were still together, praying that i wouldn't wake up and find out it was all a dream, if that ever happened, I'd never be the same. But now that's how i feel. I feel like you've been erased from my life completly. Sometimes I wonder if that's what u want. To not hav to talk to me or see me anymore. So i dont bug u. Cuz im pretty sure ur with someone and all i want is for u too be happy. i swear, that's all i want. As long as u love her and she loves u, i'm fine with it. As long as she's good enough for u.
Remembering that conection we had makes me want to forget everything. I never loved anyone more than i loved u. Sometimes i wonder if it would hav been diffrent if we had lived closer, yah kno? Or if it would have been the same result. I remember all the good and bad times we had. I remember u helping me when I couldn't stop crying becuz Tyler, my ex, had emailed me telling me all that stuff about still loveing me. And u comforted me and u did everything u could to make me feel better. I remember the day I told u that i was in love with u. how nervous i was. How happy i was afterward. I remember the first time i got a msg from u on my phone. I listend to it over and over again jsut to hear your voice. That was one of the best days of my life. I remember talking to u on the phone for 3 hours in the middle of the night, just listening to u talk and actually having a conversation with u. I remember my mom finding out. How scared i was she would never let me talk to u again, how much i cried becuz of it. How happy i was that she said she'd let me stay with u. How sad i was, tho i never told u, that u wasted months of telling me u'd tell ur parents, but never did. I guess I can see y u wouldn't want too, but it still hurt. I remember almost begging u not to leave me. I remember u telling me u'd always love me. I remember realizeing that i'd been with u for 6 months, how amazing that felt to me. I also remember waiting weeks for an email from u near the end and how upset i'd be in between those weeks. I knew something was wrong the whole time it was like that.
And u kno the rest i guess.
So I guess the reason I'm writeing this is I want to know, do u care about me at all anymore? I'm not talking about in a gf bf way, I mean as a friend do u care about me at all? Am I wasting my time thinking about u? Should I forget that u even exist? idt i could. Have u forgotten about me?
I think the reason i'm not emailing this to u, is for 2 reasons. For one, I'm afaid of the answer. And for 2, I'm leaving it up to fate. I guess like in Serendipity. If u find this, then i was meant to kno the answer. If u don't, then i guess i'll never kno.
So, if you read this. Plz email me. Something like that. And tell me.
I guess that's it.
Kelsey (Wings)
The End of the Tour (2015)
8 years ago
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